What Does It Mean to be Productive?

In December I left my office job at a local manufacturing company so I could devote my time to tutoring and homeschool consulting. I have rather a reputation for being an unorthodox free thinker, so I guess it isn’t surprising that I decided to launch off on my own sort of freelance career. If anyone would be up for that, it’d be me. But there’s been an interesting adjustment process the past few weeks. It is liberating and terrifying to be completely responsible for every moment of your day. There’s no excuse that you had a long day at work or that the kids were demanding your attention, or really anything. Because you’re totally in charge of what you do. What does this really mean?

Well, for a staunch perfectionist like me, that basically means that at the end of every day, I am unhappy with myself. It means that I look back on the day, see that I did not attain perfection, and berate myself for yet another day of failure. And this cycle gets old very quickly, believe me. So that’s led me to consider my expectations and how I define productivity.

You see, there was a day recently where I did feel quite satisfied with myself. Why? Because I had crossed off nearly all the items on my to-do list. This was the source of my happiness. And when I realized how much I depended on that to-do list, something felt wrong. Something isn’t quite right when you’re able to fall asleep peacefully because you have accomplished your to-do list.

Because when you define your day by what you do, you forget who you are. When your satisfaction comes from a finished to-do list, you’re finding happiness in a thing. You are allowing a list of tasks to determine your peace. When you’re focused on reaching goals, you’re not living, you are just doing. This train of thought reminded me of a couple articles I read recently. The first is “Whose team are you on?”  from The Art of Simple. We tend to judge each day by the days before it. “We’ve bought in to the belief somewhere along the line that our days are actually in competition with each other. ” Instead of recognizing that some days we’ll meet more goals and other days we’ll meet less, we set our days up against each other and condemn ourselves when one day doesn’t meet the incredibly high standard set by another day. There will be a day when you wake up exceptionally well-rested, when the sunshine outside fills you with enthusiasm, when your coffee is especially caffeinated, when you’re in a really good mood, and you knock out everything on your to-do list…and more!  A day like this makes us happy. But it sets the bar very high. So the next day, after the caffeine kept you awake till 3am, and you stumble out of bed to greet a cloudy and overcast day, when 5 gallons of coffee isn’t enough to energize you, when you’re just feeling down, and barely manage to finish one item on your to-do list, you’re left with a feeling of complete failure and defeat. But that’s not what life is about. Life is about that—living. And some days we’ll meet our expectations, and other times God has a different plan for our day. It is hard to accept that; it is hard to see each day as an opportunity to do our best, but not as a contest with our past.

Being the best doesn’t necessarily mean you get everything on your list done. Doing and being your best means seizing the time that God has given and using it wisely. That may mean frantically completing your to-do list. It might mean giving your mind a break by reading for a couple hours. It may mean reaching out to someone in your life who needs your time and energy. And this brings me to the second article I’ve been thinking about, “From Evaluation to Inspiration” from The Scientific American. This post is about how our culture is driven by evaluation and completion of goals, rather than being open to the experience of life and the inspiration that comes from that. “In a culture obsessed with measuring talent, ability, and potential, we often overlook the important role of inspiration in enabling potential. Inspiration awakens us to new possibilities by allowing us to transcend our ordinary experiences and limitations. Inspiration propels a person from apathy to possibility, and transforms the way we perceive our own capabilities.” And so if we’re focused on crossing off that to-do list, we’re probably not going to find inspiration for changing the status quo. If we’re rushing around trying to complete our tasks, or busy berating ourselves for yesterday’s failure, then we won’t be inspired to make the world a better place, to make a difference in someone’s life, or to use the potential God has given us in a better way.

So tonight, instead of judging my day by what I have done, I will ask, who have I become? How has this day changed me? How has it developed my character, my desire to live for others, and my passion for glorifying God?

Because in the end, that’s what really matters.